My Irrational Fear of Hand Cancer, and Other Neurotic Concerns

  I'm not afraid of many things that are more likely to happen. Not being scared makes me feel abnormal. So to make up for that, I have a series of unecessary worries that I generally don't speak of. Here they are in no particular order:

•Box corners, cabinet/table corners, and protruding parts on clothing racks. They are extremely dangerous. I once saw a co-worker damn near decapitated by a flat, flying box. What if I'm laughing and having a good time in [insert clothing store], when one of the pole things jumps out and scrapes me in the face? And it's all fun and games until you slip on some marbles, fall armpit first into a table's cabinet corner, and mom has to apply skin searing witch hazel (true story).

• Walking on trench grate covers. Sure they're capable of supporting plenty of human body weight, but how do I know when it'll decide to distribute said weight unevenly, sending me plummeting however many feet underground. Then I'll have to wait until someone finally hears my  ever weakening cries for help. That could be months!

• Walking by tall buildings. No explanation for that one. I don't mind being in them though.

• Squirrels. I kid you not, THEY WILL CHASE YOU! Especially in L.A. I think they want to eat my face.

• Geese. Do not walk by a gaggle, with a Taco Bell bag.

• Psychics and telepaths reading my thoughts, or energy, without my knowledge or permission. There are things in there that nobody needs to know.

• Vampires being terribly unattractive, instead of terribly hot.

• Impressions of me.

• A massive object crashing through my room. Thanks a lot Donnie Darko.

• A natural disaster while I'm on the toilet. That would just piss me off... literally. Bad pun.

• Finally, hand cancer. This is no laughing matter either. Cell phones emit radiofrequency energy, a form of non-ionizing radiation. Tissues nearest to where the phone is held are able to absorb this energy. Buut what most makes my concern here irrational, is that there hasn't been a consistent link of these waves to cancer. Plus the concern is for the brain, neck, and balls. I only have 2 of the 4.

   So there you have my irrational fears. It should be noted that I have absolutely no faith in them really happening.